Growing Old has nothing to do with age

At what point did we grow up? Your first car, kiss, house, or child? What does it really mean to grow up? I’m fast approaching 30, the age I thought was officially considered “old” when I was a teenager and yet, its not the 3 in front of the 0 that makes me believe in aging. Truthfully, the aging process started years ago when I stopped doing things I loved, only because of the love for doing it.

Let’s go back in time, to when you saw something that sparked your interest. Maybe a painting, a song, poem, sport, skateboard trick, and in that moment you were consumed. It ate you, or you swallowed it whole, how the fire was ignighted didn’t matter, it only mattered that it did and you, only followed, never questioning yourself or it.

Remember that moment?
Dizzying, intoxicating, burning.

You couldn’t wait to get started, slept on the scratchy living room floor because it was the only surface big enough to hold your new spark and you. You stayed up all night, playing, learning, puzzle piecing until the sandman made your eyes itchy as you chipped away at the mountainous obsession.

Nights like these were always my favorite. Engrossed in a new murder mystery, painting bulbous flowers that would prompt a true artist to ask if it was part of a sip and paint endevour, gut-wrenching movies, taste testing mad science recipes, or singing wildly until the sun comes up.

And just like that, the sun breaks a new day but the spark is snuffed shut by real life stressors.

I grew old from 19 to 21, found my inner child at 22 and then shoved her back into a hole with no air from 23 - 29 because life, money, and shiny object syndrome siren lured me away with false promises of riches if I was willing to sacrifice some time and lots of sanity to get there. I naively worked my 20’s away, as my true self tried to claw her way out with no luck.

Growing old begins when you turn your back on yourself and what sparks joy in your life.
Growing old creeps up on you.
Growing old changes you.

And the best thing, is you can slowly start to dip your toe back into who you were.